I like New York in June, how about you?
-as sung by Parry in The Fisher King

Many of you know that I have been working on my "digital polaroids" for quite some time now.  I have been entering many contests and calls for entry.  Who knows what the next step will be...? But in the meantime please take a look at a recent submission.  www.artistswanted.org/nicolesommer  A self-portrait portfolio.  Not to mention Mr. Steve Buscemi himself is one of the judges.  I know just last night I put out the word to many of you that you can personally vote for my portfolio. Unfortunately and unbeknownst to me the voting also ended last night at midnight.  Eh.  But I want to say thank you so much to everyone for the awesome positive response and feedback!  Thank you to those of you who managed to eek in a vote.   Thank you to those of you who had the intentions of voting and are still asking me, "Where the hell do I vote?!". Thank you and all my love.
-Nicole Sommer
"the redhead"

sunset 01.18.10

flowers for no reason
This morning I woke up. Ate breakfast. Drank coffee. Bought cigarettes. Camel Lights. $10.50 for twenty cigarettes in a pack. You do the math.

This is the first pack of cigarettes I have bought in over a year. I have not smoked one single cigarette since January 16, 2009. Today, January 16, 2010, is my one year anniversary of being a non-smoker. I smoked for over ten years. Ten years!

I bought the Camels from my neighborhood corner bodega and walked back home. I felt very odd and awkward with this pack burning a whole in my bag. Guilty. Gross. Reminded. Remembering. Conscious of the weight I was carrying. Tucked into my bag. Again...

But this time it was different. I bought this pack to shoot it. Destroy it. Break every last cigarette. Crumble the tobacco. Crush the cardboard pack with that ridiculous camel (which by the way really does have a naked man hidden in it). Create something beautiful out of what was such an ugly habit. I will admit I had a difficult time. To have a history with and disgust for something so vile and to make it beautiful or worth anything is not easy.

It felt good. I feel good. No more snide comments and remarks from random sidewalk strangers (assholes). No more eye rolls, lip snarls, and dirty looks. No more sneaking out for a cigarette break. Standing in the freezing cold. Fingers frostbit. Reeking of smoke, much like a chemical plant. Needing a cigarette first thing in the morning. Needing a cigarette at all. Needing. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Self-Conscious. Unhealthy. Coughing. $$$$. Ashtray kisses. Disgusting. Puke. I hated being a smoker.

Now it's compliments from friends and family. Bright eyes. Smooth skin. Breathing. Breathing. Breathing. Clear. Air. Clean. Fresh. Running. Running. Running. Eating. Tasting food. Warm rooms. Warm light. Warm friends. No thought of leaving, sneaking outside. Free. In control. Head held high. Money in pocket. Laugh. Smile. Kisses. Kisses. Kisses...

I truly know and feel with every organ in my body that I will never smoke another cigarette again in my entire life. Never. Ever. Again. I feel good. I feel fucking great!

-Dedicated to Grandma.  I miss you.  I love you.

smith & wesson .22 pistol

bringing in the new year

happy new year. 01.01.10